I find myself in a strange place right now. I don't want to be bothered with people for the most part but I like people. I like people because they challenge you to be more than you think you can be. You can find yourself by learning more about yourself through your interactions with others. Nothing can substitute human interaction.

I don't want to be bothered, per se, because there are too many people who bring BS to the table. They constantly test you by always nudging you to the breaking point. They are extremely annoying at times (as I am sure I can be to others) and heaven forbid you're stuck in a place full of people you don't really want to be bothered with. This seems to happen to me more than I like.

To be very clear--I don't dislike or loathe humanity. I'm constantly disappointed by it, though. I tend to be quasi-distant from people I consider my good friends, people I would give the skin off of my bones for. I guess we are still good friends because they understand me and for that I am forever grateful.

On only three-and-a-half hours of sleep, my fiance and I made our way to the tea party on Fountain Square on this chilly grey day. The space on the square was limited because of the flower carpet that is displayed every spring but that didn't stop folks--they just hung round on the street.

I proudly wore my Obama victory shirt on the square full of angry and frustrated people. There were speakers who all said the same thing and folks clapped, shouted, touted their signs and chanted U.S.A....U.S.A.... The crowd soon marched to City Hall, with their teabags and petition of 1,700 signatures, to tell Mayor Mallory to refuse the stimulus money. Okay...quit laughing for a second. Nah, go ahead. These people who, most likely, don't even live in the City of Cincinnati are raging against the machine to tell a Democratic mayor of a city that is really financially strapped who backed President Obama from the beginning to not accept money? HA HA HA!

I digress...

I went there for several reasons. First and foremost, I wanted to show support for my president. He's trying to get something done in a very messed up time for everybody. Secondly, I wanted to really know why these people were so willing to assemble on a lousy weather day to protest something that they should have been protesting. Where were all of these people when former President Bush and Congress approved $720 billion in TARP money during his last months in office. After all, they are protesting wasteful spending, right? RIIIIIIGHT... Thirdly, I was interested in how people would react to me openly supporting President Obama. My mom read in City Beat about a lady who claimed to have been hit with nigger this nigger that while she showed her support for Obama during the first Cincinnati Tea Party. Would history repeat itself? You bet your butt it would! The final count for every n-bomb I heard was four. I got plenty of stares. Surprisingly enough, though, the kids who were forced to go really liked my shirt. It is quite colorful. (I bet those poor kids wished they were in school. Wait...the protesters were so about "think about the kids" when it came to the economy. Why weren't they in school? Don't they care about education? Truant officer, please!)

It appears to me that we are so ready for President Obama to screw up. The protesters write him off as a failure before he can even get a chance to fail. For those opposed to what President Obama is doing I have a few questions that I hope get answered here since no one at the tea party would really answer them:

1) Where was the mass protest when President Bush gave Wall Street $720 BILLION and told Congress to allow President Obama to have access to that TARP money once he was president?

2) If these same people were so concerned about the future of our kids, where was the outrage when it was discovered that Bush's "No Child Left Behind" legislation was underfunded by billions of dollars?

3) What about Iraq? With the pointless invasion, the U.S. has spent billions upon billions upon BILLIONS of dollars that could have been used here at home.

4) Why waste wonderful bags of tea? I love tea, especially green tea. Very refreshing.

Now that Easter draws near I thought I should take the time to reflect upon the very thing I gave up for Lent--facebook. My silly butt thought that I did something unique by giving up facebook. Go ahead, laugh at me but I'm being honest. The NPR show All Things Considered and, later that week, Kent Jones on The Rachel Maddow Show mentioning how weak the move was on his "Weak In Review" segment burst the bubble.

I thought that with giving up facebook I would also give up the drama that facebook brings. How I was so wrong. It all involves two people, one nasty break-up and a whole mess of he said-she said. I won't go into much detail here for several reasons. First and foremost, I want to respect the privacy of the people involved. Second, the story is chock full of allegations so it has been challenging to discern what is true and what isn't. Thirdly, I really don't feel like typing all of that stuff!

The relationship, ultimately, was one involving people who couldn't let go of past loves, feelings of insecurity, selfishness and, in my opinion, stupidity. All of this, however, is beside the point. The point is that in my respite from facebook coupled with my crazy schedule I have still managed to get caught up in it somewhat.

When things like that happen one must take a moment to reflect. The world is in such disarray right now on just about every level. Who really has time for one more drama-filled thing? If you realize that something won't work--no matter how much you try to force it to--then it isn't worth it. Why put yourself through so much extra unnecessary stress? It got to the point where I had to remove myself from both parties for a spell because I really didn't want to be involved. Unfortunately for me, whenever someone comes to me for advice I give them a very honest assessment of how I see and hear things and that keeps a small part of me in it. Maybe I should charge for my services. It'll be interesting to see how long the silence lasts...

My character has been challenged because of all of this by quite a few people. I had my loyalty questioned which I'll clear up here right now--I don't make it a point to be loyal to much of anyone. I won't try to hurt or sabotage you but you don't give out loyalty liberally. That's just stupid. I guess my whole issue with this is that instead of people coming to me to ask what exactly I said or did they assume everything and judge me accordingly. To those who have made it a point to do that I will say this: PISS OFF! I won't lie to you about anything because the truth will rear its ugly head sooner or later. But don't think that you are in the right because you feel you made an accurate assumption of me. I'ma tell ya right now--you're a bigger idiot than I thought if you feel secure in your assumption.

On the flip side of that, if multiple people are telling you the same thing at any given point then either one of two things is true: 1. We are all crazy or 2. You are effin' up BIG TIME. It's not that hard to figure out.

All of what has happened has led me to believe wholeheartedly that you guys really need lives. GET IT TOGETHER and leave the people who have something to do alone! Period.

People sure do grow a massive pair of balls when posting comments on the web and that reminded me of something I had posted on facebook a couple of weeks ago about these folks...





A teenage girl goes for a solo jog around her home during the mid afternoon hours. When she didn't return home that evening, her parents called the police and filed a missing persons report. Tragically, young Esme Kenney's nude, partially burned body was found in the woods near her Winton Hills home. The police also found 40-year-old Anthony Kirkland, a man with a seedy past, asleep near Esme's body. Kirkland had Esme's i-pod and watch in his possession. He has since confessed to killing her.

Kirkland served 16 years in prison for burning another woman alive in 1986. There are also reports of possible evidence connecting him to two other homicides that resulted in the victims being burned. One of the possible victims is a 14-year-old girl killed in Avondale a few years ago, a story that hasn't received much public outcry from the posters (or lack thereof) on the web.

This case of Esme being killed the way she was is very sad and disturbing. The Greater Cincinnati area has weighed in heavily on this homicide as evidence by the number of comments readers posted following the story on every local media website. But as much as Esme's death bothered me, some of the readers comments got to me almost as bad.


Here are some of them:

"It's simple.
We have the most morally bankrupt system in the world.
What a shame that the life of this girl was taken by a piece of scum like Kirkland.
As offensive as this may sound, Hitler had a way of dealing with these kind of people. No appeals, no 20 year waits, no coddling!

Tried, convicted, killed!"--webthedog, poster at cincinnati.com

"this is a hate crime ...plain and simple....a black man kills a white girl in cold blood.....i am so tired of this crap in my society.... kill the f@ck now"--sirlouie, poster at communitypress.com

"Blacks make up 13% of the population, yet are responsible for 54% of all murders? And 94% of blacks murdered are killed by other blacks... What is wrong with black culture to produce these monsters? Look at the heroes of Black "culture" - pimps, Scarface and misogynistic rappers... "--Hang em High, poster at wcpo.com

"love and peace mu butt. Yes this is about black and white. Reverse this and we would have a riot on our hands. But we cant reverse it because whites do like to go to otr. Hell whites are being targeted just for being white. You kill each other but leave our children alone. stay in your hood and get out of ours."--boredatwork, poster at wcpo.com

"Now, now, folks... we've all collaboratively agreed that it's never the African American's fault. Well, at least you Cincinnatians agreed..."--bandaid36, poster at local12.com

"Another beautiful white girl gone, the victim of black savagery. This girl is yet another victim of forced integration. A return to strict segregation would go a long way in preventing blacks from preying upon whites. Don't believe blacks are dangerous? Move your family to a black apartment complex."--Joe G, poster at fox19.com


So very very sad...sad...sad...sad...sad...

You'd be hard-pressed not to read a thread on any of the stories of Esme and not find this venom of racial hatred. People sure do develop a big pair of balls when they have the anonymity of the web to hide behind. This horrible crime that proves our legal system is way off kilter. And I am reminded (as if I need anymore reminders) of how dumb people can be.

We all grieve the same. Pain hurts us equally. We all hate to see children victims of such vicious violence or any violence, for that matter. Our blood is red, our tears are clear, and we all wish that we could live in safe communities where we can rasie our children to be the best that they can be.

This shouldn't about race. This should be about a man who has a history of attacking women and burning his victims being on the streets. This is about a system that allows a person who has repeatedly committed the same crime to be free but you'll find yourself behind bars quick over weed. Now I believe that everyone should be given a chance at redemption. However, I don't feel the same for this man. My conscious won't allow it.

I would just hate to see that one of the legacies the death of this child may leave behind would be one of further deepening the chasm of black/white in Cincinnati. That just might be the biggest tragedy of all.

It seems like ignorance will always have a fighting chance in our society. Tsk tsk...

It's been a few days since we wrapped up shooting for our movie submission in the College Movie Festival. Our team drew the romantic comedy genre--the second year in a row our school had it. We won last year, by the way, but the movie wasn't all that funny. I feel we have a very real shot at winning the trophy again because our script is way funnier.

All of that is fine and dandy but the pre-production and production I was involved in was insane. For starters, the Sunday morning I arrived our campus rep Nikk handed me a partially done script. I couldn't help but to look shocked. I was a part of the writing team so I expected to have a bigger part in writing the script. After all, I thought, we all said we were going to meet Sunday morning. When we all finally got together at noon Sunday I sat silent at first, mainly because I was so tired. But then, as I began to engage in the conversation, I was essentially ignored. Initially I brushed it off but then I grew very annoyed because everything I said our campus rep had some snippy comment for it. I just started returning them back--screw it, right? It won't continue for too much longer, right? WRONG! It lasted for a few days. I don't know what made him stop but I'm glad he did because I was reaching my wits end. There's only so much BS I can tolerate and I'm sure you know exactly where I'm coming from on that one.

What caused all of that crap to transpire? Hmmmm...Good question. I wasn't the only woman involved and I wasn't the only African-American, either. Besides, he's African-American. We're both of the same political stripe. Perhaps there is just something about me that he doesn't care for too much. We're all guilty of not liking a person for no reason other than there's just something about them I don't like too much. A dumb reason for sure but a common one I'd venture to say.

Enough of that garbage for now--it's time to tell about the movie. The contest has parameters, kind of like the 48 hour movie challenge. Colleges and universities round Cincinnati had 10 days to write, shoot and edit a 6 minute movie that had to include:

*a character named William "Willie" Sudgrass and he had to be a truck driver
*two lines of dialogue
- "How long have you been sitting here?" Willie had to ask and
- "I don't know, boss. I've never seen him eat." Anyone could say that.
*a photo album, the essential prop

Our character, Willie, is an employee at a courier service that specializes in delivering to law firms round the city. He falls in love with a receptionist named Stacie at the law firm Benton and Rossi but an attorney there, Mr. Storm, gives Willie a hard time. Willie's roommate Burt gives him horrible but hilarious advice to get the girl but, of course, they don't work. It takes a near tragedy for Stacie to realize that Willie is the guy for her. I don't want to give it all away. I'll post a link as soon as I get the chance. :-)

I woke up not too long ago worried about how I'm gonna pay my rent and bills. I have been laid-off for two-and-a-half months now and no matter how many applications I fill out and how many resumes I send I still don't have a job. I have been fortunate so far that I have people who have been able to help me but it gets annoying to always ask for help, especially when your used to doing things on your own. This all has been a very humbling experience for me.

There's a saying amongst the folks I volunteer with: "If you're gonna pray, don't worry; if you're gonna worry, don't pray." Good point. That's all I can really do right now because everything else isn't working. It doesn't mean that I won't continue to try.

Maybe I'll hit the lottery. Now...if only I had the dollar to by the mega millions ticket... Nah; time to fill out more applications.

I rode through Avondale today and it was such a sad sight.

I remember playing at the park at the corner of Harvey and Hickory. Just a week-and-a-half ago, two men were killed execution style in a house on Hickory. I remember walking to school and stopping at the beauty supply store to get a lollipop from the owner. All that remains is a boarded up building with graffiti on it. What once was business and not so littered streets is now nothing but blight and tons of litter.

My mom was with Matt and me and she bumped into a guy she knew from back in the day. He bummed 45 cents off of her. When we hit the road again mom saw another woman that she said been on the streets bummin' for 20 years, addicted to crack. The man my mom knew looked to be more of an alcoholic than a crackhead.

"Crack and alcohol were the worst things to ever be introduced to the black community", I said. Matt and my mom agreed.

I really don't know or understand why these types of issues are so prevalent in my community. I have heard many theories but it seems that no one can come up with a concrete answer. I'd venture to say that there has to be more than one answer for such a complex issue.

The Obama administration is dedicated to fighting the drug war in Mexico. The stuff I've seen on the news and read online sounds like the stuff movies are made of. Very very scary things. But what I see happening in the old neighborhood seems to be the realization of my biggest fear--we, black folk, are perpetually cursed by... I don't know what exactly because, that too, is a complex issue.

Aren't we are more than drug addiction, liquor stores and hopelessness? We are a people of thinkers, artisit, inventors, teachers...positive contributors to our society. The black community can be greater than is it because were are very capable of being people who accomplish great things. I know we are and I know we can.

Today was such a beautiful day--warm and sunny with so many flowers in bloom. I spent my Saturday afternoon at Washington Park with a group from Shiloh Seven-Day Adventist church feeding the homeless that hang in the park.

Everyone there isn't homeless because of misfortune, of course. You can look at the folks who can't help but to shake because of their alcoholism or you can see the gaunt features of the crack addicts who have yellowish burns on their thumb and index finger from the crack pipes they use. Either way these are people who need our help. Neglecting them because one doesn't want to admit that there's an issue isn't the way to go because it never works.

The city of Cincinnati seems to be good at doing that. For the longest time Washington Park and Over-the-Rhine were places "designated" for the poor, the addicted, the uneducated. Now that the city wants to turn the area round Washington Park into an arts district officials are jumping to fix things. Washington Park School, the neighborhood school, was torn down to create parking for Music Hall. A block up the new building for The School for Creative and Performing Arts is in the middle of being constructed. You have to audition to go there. That leaves the only neighborhood school 10+ blocks up from where Washington Park School was. Vine Street School is overcrowded and in need of renovation. The other neighborhood school, Rothenburg, was supposed to be renovated seven years ago but the Cincinnati Public School system proclaims that it doesn't have enough money to fix it. This school system is spending 72 million to build another SCPA but they don't seem care that the children of Over-the-Rhine are left hanging.

Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory wants federal money to build a trolleycar system. That wouldn't be such a bad idea if there weren't other pressing issues that need funding--schools, the Banks project, putting more cops and first responders on the streets, rehabbing Over-the-Rhine...